I can breath…
Its 4:57am. I been up since 2am because my puppy king woke me to go out. i’m shaking so bad right now….. my body .. is still very jittery. I haven’t have a full on anxiety attack in a few weeks like this this….i”m still trying to breath right bow..
But i want to express exactly what my body is experiencing with you as i go through it.
Im scared right now i don”t know why….
My legs is trembling… i woke up to take out my pup … then i couldn’t go back to sleep my stomach felt so bloated . I went to the bathroom to try and poop…. Nothing… then i tryed to throw up. Some came out and now i feel better .
But now these thoughts are running in my head im scared and i dont know why.
I start to think about what if i dont wake up. Who will take the kids to school.
“Im still breathing…its getting better im calming down”
I thought i have to be ok because they need me tomorrow. I start to breath fast i started to freak out… i started to cry…
REALLY BOO HOO CRY! At 4am on my bathroom floor…. Thinking to myself omg i just got a new puppy why did i just get this new puppy?
I thought about the man that im in a relationship with and how we are currently for some reason it is making my mind race and my heart is beating faster….i tryed to throw up again but nothing…
I go lay down… now i feel dizzy. Very faintish. I feel like ima pass out BUT I CANT I TELL MY SELF I CANT! I start to cry again … saying out loud no no no no no…. Back in the bathroom i try to pee… poop relieve this heavy feeling in my stomach.. stop crying .. stop freaking out.
Im so scared because im alone. I took some medicine. I gulp down some sleep stuff see if it help. But then i panic and start thinking about going to sleep when im not ready……
Last resort… i went to my small tash and smoke a small amout of weed and immediately felt ok im am able to breath. I no longer felt chocked…. Now I’m very very sleepy… eyes are closing as i type…. That med kicked in and the weed calm my body now im laying in bed and breathing…. Not sure if ill post this…. I hate that i go through this. I dont like living alone….
I get terrified thinking about living alone. Someone breaking in my home and hurting me… i get terrified thinking aboout it at night…nite guys i cant
Fight the sleep nomore