At random just breath.

Today was not truly a great day for me. My anxiety took the win. I truly caught my self all day. Back and fourth back and fourth telling myself no. I threw up a couple times today. I woke up with a heavy feeling in my stomach and just so stressed out. My head felt heavy and heart was racing. Now at this point I’m trying to figure out why I’m going through this. What is new that is happening that is freaking me out!

And I’m thinking and thinking by the way it took me hours to get to me settling down to think why I’m worried.

Ya know I am the type of person who needs order. A planned day… I’m self employed now which is a huge change from a 9-5 job why because u know every week your schedule. When you have to go in and clock in and out. When your self employed and your just starting your life is upside down. Client and customers very unpredictable. It’s all up in the air sometimes and that drives me nuts!!!

My son birthday is coming up I planned it . It’s a trip to Disney. But although everything is paid for .car place theme park all together. What is freaking me out? In my head I’m telling myself this is a huge place. I’m thinking of ways my kids will enjoy themselves. I’m thinking how to get a wagon or something so they not walking so long and want to leave .

I over think. Over thinking hurts me. I stress about people and walking next to people and going into unknow places and the fear of what’s on the other side. See in this world u cant expect normal anymore. The neighbors you seen everyday that waved at you could have turn out to be a butcher in his house.

But anyways I end up taking a pill today. I have anxiety medicine that I don’t like to take. I was subscribed them three years ago and I probably took two out the bottle. I don’t agree with medication I would rather things from earth and natural. The pill made me get nauseous and I threw up. After I felt better not so much pressure on my stomach. But I did have the urg to sleep all day.

So tonight I will try to rest. I will stop my little fingers and sleep.

Good nights guys