smoking…..

Smoking was nothing I was into when I was younger. I honestly didn’t know much about it until high school. A lot of my friends was doing it and I never really cared what they were doing. Im not the person to wonder and copy people.

Now I smoke I smoke for my anxiety. I use to always have someone living with me ..and it kept me distracted from all the thoughts running in my head. now when im alone and when my kids are not home Im alone and when im alone my head is going crazy….so smoking calms all that down.

The things is smoking is addictive. I honestly believe all types is… u get in that habit and rely on it so much.

That is where I am … I rely on it to calm me down. to block my thoughts. to make me not fall into my fear.

Not many people like that I smoke and Im honestly not good at it lol but it get the job done. I think about how I started and if I can stop. Am I strong enough to stop.

The question is do I want to stop? …the rug that needs to go away won’t…so they argue weed is not addictive. I think it is. I see wild shyt people do to get it or smoke it and I don’t want that path.

strength is something deep inside that we all have to reach for.

Being fearless is something we reach deep down for.

The pain I carry will die with me why because I have not gotten answers from those who cause me pain…

People say let it go and forget but that is very hard to do… n most times…smoking helps just to sit across from a person.