Three boys and me plus anxiety!

This is something I wonder a lot. but then again these days the main reason is for money.

Me and my sibling was sent to foster care. I was around 13 when things went wrong and we were sent away…. but before all that I look back at the times living with my mother and realize all the things she never taught me…. like about my period… I started my period literally during the day we were packing up to leave and move to Florida. I was 12…. I wasn’t taught the proper way to care for myself . I didn’t learn the proper way to shower….what I should eat not eat…about boys…..just so much man it pisses me off…… I have three boys and when they hit a age to learn something about themselves Or to open their eyes to reality about something I do it….. I mean as small as putting on lotion to wearing a condom….I keep it real with them. I talk to them like adults sometimes so they understand why they have to do something. what age they get their license.. what middle school and high school could be like. I warn them. I have them ready for things. they dont go outing the world and be like what is this or why am I here. I feel like I was born and thrown out to the world… no guidance what so ever…… and the most embarrassing part is I learned everything while living with men…boyfriends… not knowing that I should be this way or that way… that im suppose to care for myself in this way and that…. doing my hair… I would sit on my grandma carpet and teach myself how to braid my own hair…. I like braids… but mommy didn’t sit much and do our hair…..either it was in a shitty pony or it was in nice ponytails with knockers on the end. I remember going to school in dirty clothes. she didn’t keep up with out uniforms and pick out our clothes… didn’t make sure we showered and was good for the next day. like to the point it was black shit on the collar of our shirts. I remember washing my clothes in the tub a lot! or just getting this ketchup stain off my shirt and wear it again tomorrow…. the struggle man….

it bothers me that I went through embarrassing things at school because I wasn’t raised right…. why do people have kids if we are not your main priority. why have kids if you can’t truly afford to even do the basics!! u dont have to be rich to have kids but if u don’t have the fight in you to always make sure they ok why the fuck do you have kids….. I don’t even speak to my parents on a daily basic …my dad I dont speak to all…. and I think to myself ….don’t they worry what we are doing ? if we are ok? or alive? how’s work? how’s are relationship….when my kids grow and move out trust I will make sure they are ok all the time…..I DONT KNOW JUST ME🤷🏽‍♀️ I can’t even …….and still to this day I don’t know why about a lot of things…….