Three boys and me plus anxiety!

Have you been in a car accident and after you experience the worst fear to drive.

I been in three car accidents. Two could of been death type of accident. after my last car accident I had on 95 express way in february. I began to have horrible anxiety each time I got behind the wheel. Knowing I had to take my kids around and we live almost 30 minutes away from the school I cannot just sit home and be afraid to drive. But each time I do get around the wheels of a vehicle and want to drive as I’m driving I feel my body getting lighter I think of all the things that can happen. the very bad things that can happen.

someone hitting me from the back..the front.. run me off the road… I imagine horrible things while driving and it makes me want to let go of the wheel sometimes or pull over.

my anxiety take over and I have to keep it under control. i’m worse when other people are driving. I feel my heart pumping out my chest. if we swirl and or almost get into something my whole body is in shock and my hands are shaking. i’m terrified within. and not ready for another impact.

some of the things I do while in the car to clear my head from the crazy thoughts is breath. really inhale and exhale and think of white walls.

when I drive alone I cant be in silence because my thoughts go crazy and I scare myself. so I play music and sing along to keep me from thinking so hard about me driving.

At times I freak out and think if I’m driving right. many times I almost had a panic attack while driving from my house to my kids school. the road looks bigger now and or the cars are so much faster today. I freak out and want to cry. i’m scared to drive but I hav to go. I don’t have anyone to depend and help me. I don’t have family or a reliable partner to drive me around. so I face fears each day and drive praying to get to my destination safe .

I have anxiety medicine if your wondering… but I have anxiety about taking the medicine. I fear what the medicine might do to me. if it’ll change me and my brain. I have thoughts of radom things happening to me after years of this medication in my body. I dont like to put things in my body. to me that is how so many people get sick and die in the first place. everyone body does not respond to medicine.

my anxiety as a mother is very had. but because I am a mother I push down as much as I can because my kids need me. I won’t let it win. I won’t let it take over. I won’t let it beat me.